Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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