She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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