my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
