Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
