Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
