i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
