Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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