I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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