Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
