4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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