mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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