he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize