I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
