So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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