we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
