I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
