Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
