i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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