I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
