You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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