he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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