That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
