what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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