You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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