a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
