i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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