Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
