Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
