So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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