I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
