Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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