We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
