Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
