Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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