I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
