i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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