you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bring money and cleavage
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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