You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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