I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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