For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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