Me too!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
