I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
