I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
