When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
