I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
