i wish my penis had a tongue
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize