Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
