We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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