And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
