she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
