When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
