The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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