I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
