I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
