I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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