At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
