so that wasnt chicken after all
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize