??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
