??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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