I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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