i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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