Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
