I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize