Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
