She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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