# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Randomize
