are you still at the devil's house?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
