i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize