i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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