I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
